tired of school.

so as excited as i am about going to randolph macon next year, i am also somewhat scared about it. i was talking to ryan yesterday about summer and life, and us, and just everything and i realized that. and he said "but you've done it 2 times in the last 2 years, so you should be used to it" but it doesn't make it any less scary. i mean, i am still going to have to be outgoing once again, try and figure out who i am am ganna be friends with, be ok with being myself around a group of strangers, i dont know, there is just so much of new people and situations that i am uncomfortable about. and it is hard for me. just the aspect of trying to explain why i transferred schools is hard for me, because i know why but it is weird to talk about. and then explaining camp to people who want to know about it. and i KNOW i talk about camp all the time and i don't mean to. and like jessica always tried to undestand camp cause she knew how important it was to me. and like people i have known for most of my life don't understand it.

and then i was thinking and i would love it to just take a year off school. i am so tired of school. of class, work, papers, just all of it. i really don't know what i want to do with my life. i know i want to be a teacher, but i don't know what grade. and i have to decide that soon. and i just feel like everything is going so fast. i just want a chance to breathe. it just seems so hard sometimes. i am making the most important decisions ever and i feel like i am not sure what i really want. and it is so hard.

in other news, i finally talked to hook. i am planning on meeting with the internationals in London with Bumble on June 9th. just so they know some people before they go to a strange place. to answer questions, and so i can see how they are ganna be. hahaha. me and bumble are excited for it. and for this summer =] when the phone rang i was very flustered cause i forgot i gave that number to her, and i thought it was my aunt cause she said she would call soon. and i was very surprised to hear her on the other end. it was so good to talk to her though. i am a ul, which should be interesting to see how going back to ul's goes. but i am just so excited to come home. plus i need to start making some money [aka working every day until camp starts] cause i am so beyond broke. i really really hope i get middies this summer again, cause i forgot how much fun out trips were, and because i really want to be able to do something this time instead of just sit in the middle of the canoe and sing with whim. haha. oh, and julia jenny and kate were hired. and i am so excited for that cause they were so fun on the trip, lets just hope they do a good job this summer...