happy octoberr!!

October is my favorite month, regardless of the fact that bad things always happen in it, it is just too much of a beautiful month to let the bad things bring it down. and today it even feels and SMELLS like fall outside! mm, October-this is why i love you. i love the smells of fall, the cold coming, the breeze always around making the beautiful leaves fall. the first cold nights and the jeans and long sleeve shirt days, being able to wear scarfs again, the first break from school of the year, field hockey season, pretty colors, good hiking weather, and my birthday. well, that is a lie-i hate my birthday. but, whatever. ha ha. i am just happy that it is a new month, a beautiful month, and a busy month. i need something to keep me busy.

i have realized that the reason i am not writing in here is because in my English class, we write in journals every day for 10-15 minutes in the beginning of class, and that is inevitably where i write everything down, my thoughts, troubles, emotions, and dreams.. so i am slacking, but i am still getting a lot of things out :) which is really what i need to do.

so, silly me--in a fast attempt to pack after all the dilemmas of getting back to school, i did NOT pack much fall clothing-i don't even have a jacket, except for my jean one.. anyways-i forgot all the important things--long sleeve shirts, scarfs, leggings, footwear aside from flip flops, a jacket, and i only brought 2 pairs of jeans to school when i have a LOT more a home [mom kept giving me jeans this summer, she would get for herself and not like them, and hey--they are free jeans. i am not complaining..ha] silly silly me.

October plans- well, this weekend is studying! lots and lots and lots. i have my first 2 exams this week-roman history Tuesday and women in European history on Wednesday. i hate the first exams, although my Wednesday exam, i have had this professor before so i know what her exams are like, but Tuesdays i have never had him before, so i need to really study hard-especially because i need to get a B in that class. and this weekend Sam is coming-i haven't seen her since March so i am really excited to see her for the small amount of time she is willing to hang out with me. then it is a blur of working on my capstone, going home for fall break, and studying. so hopefully it will be a good month..


And I'm worried...I, I'm afraid that he took away my ability to believe. And I hate him for that. Because I always believed before. And now I just feel...lost. And I am, I'm trying to put myself out there, but... I feel hopeless.
^how i am feeling today. womp womp..