4 years.

i feel terrible not writing about this on tueday and that is has taken me this long to write about it...there are so many things going on in my head but i didn't know how to write them. it makes me sad that it has been 4 years since James died. i cannot believe that is how long it has been since i was a freshman too. where did the last 4 years go. so much of my life has changed since that day i found out he died. so many ups and so many downs. i wonder all the time what James would be doing with his life if he had never got in his car that night. i wonder if he would have finished school on time or if he would stay an extra semester like me. i wonder if we would still be friends and have seen each other again or if we would have drifted apart like i have with so many people. i wonder if he would have a job and if he would be happy. i miss him so much. i miss his laugh and how he always told me to smile more. i miss his random texts to me and i miss hearing about the stupid shit he did....

i just cannot believe it has been that long. that long since i got the terrible phone call and feeling so alone in arizona... James, i miss you more than words could say. I am so lucky to have you watching over me. i am so lucky to have known you the way i did <3


in other news, i am all set to graduate. fingers crossed i pass all my classes :) i am currently typing this on my brand new macbook :) i could not be happier about getting a new computer and honestly, it could not come at a better time! i needed this. buttt my only dilema now is trying to figure out how to use the stupid thing! grr. but i am hoping to not be technologically challenged and figure everything out on my own!

homecoming is this weekend! woo :) i cannot wait to see my y phi lovies and all my pm ladies!! yay! i think mostly i am excited about big being here cause i miss her millions! and yeah.

i had a dream about Will the other night. i woke up and was smiling. i rarely wake up smiling, but this--this was a good dream. he was at camp with me, weird, but out of all my friends from home, i felt like he was the one who completely understood camp...anyways, we were sitting around the back of the fireplace and he kept giving me hugs and joking around with him, gosh, i miss that boy. but it was the first time he was in my dreams in about 3-4 months. i am so relieved he came back. i needed him there :) after i woke up i was hoping i would fall back asleep and keep dreaming about him, but it didn't happen-but it definitely put me in a super fabulous mood all day :)

ok, i am going to get din din with jessie and then to see the social network! cannot wait! then day drinking tomorrow at the fh game [it is their senior day] and the football game [i dislike our football team though] and then who knows! yay weekendd :)