so, i was starting to pack up my room since i am taking a trip home on friday because i NEED to get away, and i found this envelope and i had NO idea what was in it, and it was a letter from a very good friend i've had since i was about 13, and a few cd's she had sent me when i was in az, and i guess a few pictures she sent me from when we were young and would get together after months of not seeing each other...and i am putting the cd on my computer right now...and i listened to the first 3 seconds of each song pretty much, and it made me think about how all 18 of the songs inevitably make me think of one point in our friendship...
and then i started thinking of how long it's been since we had "a song" that made me think of her. and the letter talked about us growing up and growing apart, but always being there for each other..and i know that growing up sucks, and i know that we have indeed, grown apart, but i wish, more than anything that i could fix that. that it wouldn't be months without talking to each other, or only talking when something is wrong with us or one of our friends... i don't have any clue as to what is going on in her life...and i absolutely hate that. but at the same time, i guess living in 2 different states does that to you?
i just miss being so close, and having her as a constant in my life is all i am trying to say...
this last month i have felt so lost in my life...i feel like i am going in slow motion and everyone around me is in full speed. i just don't know where i belong right now, and i haven't felt like this in a while, and i feel like a part of it is because i don't have that one person to go to anymore...i don't have that person who when i am walking back to my room at night i can call just because....
i don't know anything anymore i feel like..things just seem to be going in a downward spiral lately, and i'm not sure what to do to stop them...i think i need to go home and re-think my life for a while.
so, i guess what i am saying is this...
dear friend,
i miss you a lot. and you know i don't like reaching out for help. so if there is still a connection like we used to have, i could really use you in my life right now. and i know that this is silly, but your cd, 2 years later, and your letter a year and a half later, well--they really made me realize what i am missing in my life, so thank you for being able to still show up in unexpected places again. i'll love you forever....and never forget that.
love you for always,
kelly.
No comments:
Post a Comment