lost friends...

so i have a lot to write about this one thing, but i will probably keep this short since i am using the home computer as mine has a stupid virus which isn't letting me go onto the internet or keep my computer on for longer than 2 minutes..cool..but i could talk about this for hours i feel like...

so i was cleaning my room the last few days, and i dont just mean dusting and such..i threw out 3 FULL garbage bags of stuff, one i'm donating of books, 5 and a half of clothes and possibly anohter one of garbage by the end of tomorrow. and in doing so, i came across a lot of things...little nick-nacks and old letters and even older pictures, things i forgot about and things i thought i lost...i found my really expensive awesome ring i've been looking for for almost a year now, and my pearls. but mainly the pictures and letters hit me... most were from people i rarely speak to, if i do speak to at all these days...two of them touched me, like i am sure they always do when i come across them..they are both from the same year after the same summer, and are both from two people who truely have touched my heart and my life and without them i wouldn't be the same..

they are from the worst summer i've ever had at camp, but i feel like by having these two people there, the summer was someway not a lost cause.. it is so weird to think of how my life would be SOO different without them in it. they are both goodbye letters, one from a package and the other because saying goodbye was hard enough without actually saying how we felt. i text both of them today saying i found the letters, i missed them, and would love to catch up soon. ut just makes me sad that the distance, although for one now it is only an hour, and at one point, the other was merely down the road, made us go two seperate ways...it also makes me laugh at how they are both older than me by 2 or 3 years...but that summer, they are the only ones who got me through. and it made me sad that after sharing such an experience together we are basically strangers. i will always know those random facts and have those memories of them, but right now, i know little about their lives, and the conversations we have are far and few between.

i guess it is crazy to think that not seeing each other for almost 4 summers now would be able to make you remain friends...but i know the day i said goodbye to each of them, the thought of them not ever being in my life was no where in my mind..but today looking back, it was inevitable..one of the letters told me that they were so mad at me at one point they wrote me a hate letter...and then ripped it up because they knew that we were no matter what i was his best friend there..and it made me laugh because i remember him telling me about it and laughing because i could never imagine him giving me a hate letter... and the other one was telling me to no matter what follow my heart because i had such a big heart... and i realized that without her i would not have been able to realize certain things about myself.

it just gets to me that it has been so long since that summer...since i have been that close to them, since they made that huge impact in my life...and then it got me thinking of everyone else who has touched my life over the summers, and it is just mind blowing how fast time has gone and how long it has been since seeing some of these people. and how so many have lost touch...i really miss a lot of the people in my life who used to be there. and i know if i called most of them would answer and according to the tone of my voice still be able to know what was going on...but it just makes me sad...

so if you've been in my life and we don't talk anymore, or it is not often that we do talk, just know that you've been on my mind this whole weekend...and that i'll always be here and be thankful for everything you've done in my life...