what have i gotten myself into?
i seem to remember packing up and leaving so much easier the last 4-5 times that i did it. this time it is like heart pounding terrifying and just i don't know. i guess i had a huge support the last time i did this with ryan being there for me every single step of the way whether it was going to NAU or Wales or RMC or where ever it was. but this time i feel like i am so alone in this, and i know i am not. i have even more support from my parents and my friends, but i just feel alone.
i guess it is crazy, maybe the valentines day and being alone thing got me going or maybe i just realized that this adventure is one he doesn't know about or one that is completely 100% for me, but it is scarier. i am scared. but in a good way.
this will be good for me. this is what i need to prove to myself that i don't need anyone but myself. because i don't. i love that i can do whatever i want and go wherever i want, i just feel so lost and i am hoping that this kinda helps me find my way in life a little bit. teaches me about myself, adapting to new people and new places.
i have done this a million times i feel like, picked up and left. i am good at that, it is just getting the courage to actually get up and go that seems to scare me.
plus, i hate packing so i am avoiding that at legitimately all costs.
this is going to be a great adventure and hopefully a job that once again i am good at, but i just need the extra nudge that ryan would give me to get my sorry self up and out the house and the comfort to know that if i mess up someone would be there to come pick up the pieces. i think i am just scared that no one is going to be there if it all falls apart because alabama is such a new and different place, but hey--i am pretty good at meeting new people, right? so this should be a breeze....
here is to alabama and new beginnings...
3 comments:
you are gonna have SO MUCH FUN. Just get out there, and dont be scared. When I moved to NC from AZ I was completely all alone. I had been to Greensboro ONCE for a long weekend, and I knew know one. So I went to my classes, hung out at Barnes and Nobel finally got the courage to go to rugby practice.... and that was SCARY. But I know you will do great. Plus if you ever need to talk, you can always CALL ME. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE IN MORRISTOWN WHICH IS 15 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE.
you will be fine! you can do this! if its anything like the outdoor centers i've been to (and worked at), it's like a family. they will have your back and just ask for help when you need it.
and you will be fine. you've spent how many years at camp working with kids, leading groups, and being awesome? i think overnight camp is way harder than an outdoor center where you might have the same group for 6 hours, and then you don't have to deal with them at night too. and they have other people that are in charge of them :)
can't wait to hear how awesome it is!
you are going to be GREAT! it sounds like a perfect job for you right now- my bet is that you are going to be amazing and love it :-) AND i will def make my way out to visit you this summer since I will have a car and some weeks off and missed you last weekend (this last semester is officially killing my social life).
I definitely understand how you feel to some extent (and will DEFINITELY get it by the time may rolls around) but i keep reminding myself that the world is getting smaller and smaller with stuff like skype and facebook. and plane tickets are not completely unreasonable if you really need to get back home. But I think that the time will fly by and that wont even be something you need to worry about :-)
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