so i am at ryan's house spending time with him and his family, being a good girlfriend and last night i had the worst dream and i can't get it off my mind. i mean, i woke up with tears running down my face and i was basically sobbing. i had a dream that Will was still alive and we were hanging out and it was all of us again, jeremy was there, maria, june...it was like 8th grade again except we were all 22 and drinking and having a blast at the pub... and then i went to bed in my dream and i woke up and it happened all over again. he died again. and i was at his funeral and i couldn't do anything again. i felt so helpless all over again. but everything was so vivid about it. it was all so incredibly real. i absolutely love having dreams about him when he is alive and it is always so real in my dreams, him being alive and walking and talking. i love having those dreams because it is always good to see him walking around, but i just don't even have a word for how terrible this dream was. i am crying now just writing about it. and the worst part is, that in reality, it wasn't a dream..this is real life, he died and i am never getting him back. which is the part i dislike the most.
i will write more about it and finish up the best of '09 when i am home tonigh..
until then, wishing everyone a safe and good last bit of 2009 and a fabulous 2010.
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