so, today is two years since James has been here. two years since i've heard his laugh. two years since i've text him. two years that i've been missing him. literally not a day goes by i do not think about him or remember him. every single time i get into my car i see him. and i say hi to him, or think about him. when i drove home last weekend i talked to him, since there is a picture of him in my car i talk to him when i drive a lot. and i've been thinking about how this day was coming up soon, and with going to baltimore and the sorority and school and everything, i haven't really been looking at the date a lot, and i looked down at my planner and i saw that today was the 19th and i just stared at it. and i tried to start typing my paper and my eyes started filling with tears. and i wrote my name and the date and i just started crying. not like that uncontrolable sobbing i do sometimes, but just slow tears running down my face. and it kinda hit me in a way, that he is never coming back. no matter how much i talk to him, or how much i wish he was here. he isn't and i really just needed a hug. but one from him. one of those all out, i love you squeeze you until you are uncomfortable and can't breathe hugs. and i went to see olivia [who is my ra] and i was just like i need a hug. plain, flat out i just asked for a hug. and i just miss him so much. and i feel selfish because it was about 9pm when i realized what today was. and i hate that i didn't realize the date sooner. but it was about the same time i found out on this day two years ago that i looked at my planner and realized it. and i just miss him so much i don't know what to say....
2 comments:
I know how you feel, buddy. It's a bit of a different circumstance, but I feel that same exact way every year on November 19. It will be 3 years this year since Liam died, but there is seriously not a day that goes by that I don't think about him and think about how I'll never to get hug his little body again or how I"ll never see those amazing, adorable blue eyes, ever again.
Anniversaries like these are the worst... but I'm glad you were able to get a hug from your RA.
Here's to a happier tomorrow, friend.
I feel it too with my friend Eric... This year I was down with Copper so I didn't write a post about him and how much I missed him, but I thought about him all day long and almost regret not making a post about him.
But I know how much I think about him and I don't feel so bad because I know he would tell me to stop acting like an idiot and do something that he would have thought was amazing and fun...
This all kind of makes me want a hug too-I think the next time I see you maybe I'll get a hug from you, someone who went through the same thing I did, around the same time I did two years ago.
love you..
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