two years.

so, today is two years since James has been here. two years since i've heard his laugh. two years since i've text him. two years that i've been missing him. literally not a day goes by i do not think about him or remember him. every single time i get into my car i see him. and i say hi to him, or think about him. when i drove home last weekend i talked to him, since there is a picture of him in my car i talk to him when i drive a lot. and i've been thinking about how this day was coming up soon, and with going to baltimore and the sorority and school and everything, i haven't really been looking at the date a lot, and i looked down at my planner and i saw that today was the 19th and i just stared at it. and i tried to start typing my paper and my eyes started filling with tears. and i wrote my name and the date and i just started crying. not like that uncontrolable sobbing i do sometimes, but just slow tears running down my face. and it kinda hit me in a way, that he is never coming back. no matter how much i talk to him, or how much i wish he was here. he isn't and i really just needed a hug. but one from him. one of those all out, i love you squeeze you until you are uncomfortable and can't breathe hugs. and i went to see olivia [who is my ra] and i was just like i need a hug. plain, flat out i just asked for a hug. and i just miss him so much. and i feel selfish because it was about 9pm when i realized what today was. and i hate that i didn't realize the date sooner. but it was about the same time i found out on this day two years ago that i looked at my planner and realized it. and i just miss him so much i don't know what to say....

time..

i have no time. at all. to do anything. i feel like my life is slightly in shambles. i go to class or work at either 840 or 745 every morning except sat/sun. and i usually do not get home until about 430//5 and then at night i go to sorority things, which i usually look forward to..but some days i am so tired and have NO time to do anything that I just want to cry. and i miss having time to write in here...but really fast i want to get some things down..
i had an amazing fall break. i got to see my family and my friends. and the only thing that could have possibly made the weekend any better was if ryan was there. but it was pretty much amazing anyways. =) i made a bit of money which is SO nice. and i just had a nice time home. plus i successfully drove home from school [hollaaa] i also got to see ryans parents and spend time with them, which was so nice. fall break really couldn't have come at a better time though, i needed it. but now it is back to pluggin and chuggin as roo would say. haha.
this weekend i am doing a race for the cure in baltimore with the y phi's =] it should be really fun. i am pumpeddd.
there is so much i want to write about, but i am SO exhausted. and am falling asleep writing this..but i have so so much going on in my mind that i really want to write it all down tomorrow so i can make some sense of it.
ps, i turn 21 in 10 days. wtf??
x peace out girlscouts. x

short..

i am home. and i think i am in love with new jersey.
i adore ryan's mom and dad.
i am overall ridiculously exhausted, but so happy with life.
i just miss my computer and debit card...and certain friends...
love, kcrumbs

loveee.

i love my friends. they are turds. haha. i've sat in my bed with kirstin all day and done nothing. it's been a great day. last night i went out with the sorority sisters and it was fun. i drank a bit, but then kirstin and richard came over and we hung out. apparently i am brining richard to philly on friday WHEN I GO HOMEEE <3 but i am so excited about going home. roo is going to be home saturday and so will ryry. i will miss my hoes though..you know kirstin olivia and maybe sam. i am working at the black forest saturday night and sunday all day. during the day saturday me and brother and pops and momma k are going to go hiking at sunrise mountain. =] i am super excited. i am probably going to see my aiden baby and kenzie boo too. which is even more exciting!! ohh and i am seeing ryan's momma on friday on my way home and i might hopfeully be seeing cop-o-pop-pop-e-rop on my way back to school on tuesday

ok, i am going to pick up a pizza to eat with these hoes. lata hataa

stressed..

so i lost my voice. my computer is legit broken and i had to send it to the hp company to get it fixed. it is gone for 2-6 weeks. =( it is rough being a college kid without a computer. thankfully i have some pretty awesome friends who let me borrow their computers =] but it is tough. and i am just stressed with school...i dont know what there is to say, it just is not fun right now...i am beyond excited to go home in 9 days.!! yayy. i just need to make it until then..sighhh.